This post is about loss and how I can be happy not in spite of it but because of it. Everything changes and is impermanent. One day I am making jokes, laughing with a human that I have formed a bond with and in the hurricane of time they are gone and I never see them again. Life is so short and the end is so permanent. This human lives on through memories and what they leave behind, but in reality they are actually and literally gone. My life will end too; every good memory will be wiped from me, every laugh forgotten, the feeling of breeze blowing on my face at the top of a mountain during a hike, the feeling of playing a song that I love, my aches and pains will be relieved, and all of my hours wasted will only be tallied through what songs I didn’t record, what friends and family I didn’t reconnect with, what adventures I put off.
Having reminders of how short our lives are is what drives me when I am feeling sluggish. This doesn’t mean that I constantly live in fear of dying; I will appreciate it when death releases me from all of the painful aspects of human existence but I do not want to speed it up or waste my only time existing. This planet with all of its biodiversity and physical tricks and natural artistic expression is so amazing and focusing on sharing this magic with other humans is what I work towards until the end.
This post is dedicated to all of the humans that I loved while they were here and remind me of impermanence now that they are gone. The parts of their personalities that I connected with have become reflections in my own. I wish so many things that just can not happen so I have to let those wishes go like maple seeds on a blustery day.